some older poetry stuff

aftermecomestheflood · Mon May 11, 2009 7:15 pm

a rose in his hand
the smell and the taste
the air and the wind
her beautiful face
the look on his face
the love in her eyes
the birds fly happily
the love makes him sigh
the sun goes down
the night will rise
the dew will set
the hands are together
the love in their eyes

------------------------------------------------------------------------

four down, eight to go.
when it will end? no one knows.
a pack of twelve goes too fast but an eighteen pack just might last.
pale ale in a can getting that buzzed felling again.
the hangover wont be bad, just a glass of water to save my ass.
off to work at seven a.m. might be late, have i sinned?
get home at four just after the trip from that liquor store.
popping tops once again, hell pass the gin.

janis ulmanis.

kadium · Post by **kadium** » Thu May 21, 2009 1:24 pm

kinda preschoolish

Post by **Mike** » Thu May 21, 2009 3:25 pm

aftermecomestheflood wrote:four down, eight to go.
when it will end? no one knows.
a pack of twelve goes too fast but an eighteen pack just might last.
pale ale in a can getting that buzzed felling again.
the hangover wont be bad, just a glass of water to save my ass.
off to work at seven a.m. might be late, have i sinned?
get home at four just after the trip from that liquor store.
popping tops once again, hell pass the gin.

Just. Awful.

DGNR8 · Post by **DGNR8** » Fri May 22, 2009 12:51 am

Hey, he could be young for all we know. It takes guts to post poems. Besides, he's from Scotland.

The key to good writing is revision. Keep writing, revise. Read other poets. You can always tell the songwriters who actually READ.

kadium · Post by **kadium** » Fri May 22, 2009 1:41 am

honestly, i dont think there terrible just kinda boring.

mezzio13 · Post by **mezzio13** » Fri May 22, 2009 3:01 pm

There once was a man from Nantucket

Post by **Mike** » Fri May 22, 2009 3:37 pm

Writing about how "tortured" and how much of a "hopeless drunk" you are is such a clichÃ©. Especially when the poetry is as gash as that.

endsjustifymeans · Post by **endsjustifymeans** » Fri May 22, 2009 3:50 pm

Mike wrote:Writing about how "tortured" and how much of a "hopeless drunk" you are is such a clichÃ©. Especially when the poetry is as gash as that.

Bukowski pretty much made his name from it. Granted, he's an amazing writer and this guy is utter rubbish.

Reece · Post by **Reece** » Fri May 22, 2009 4:15 pm

clearly none of you are doing it right.

i read it in my head with devvo's voice and "fooking" inserted at random. much better.

also rab. c. nesbitt.

Ty · Post by Ty » Sat May 23, 2009 4:18 am

Reece wrote:"fooking" inserted at random. much better.

haha, did that, and read it as

aftermecomestheflood wrote: four down, eight to fooking go.
when it will fooking end? no one fooking knows.
a pack of twelve goes too fooking fast but an eighteen pack just might last.
pale ale in a can getting that fooking buzzed felling again.
the hangover wont be fooking bad, just a fooking glass of water to save my fooking ass.
off to work at seven fooking a.m. might be late, have i fooking sinned?
get home at four just fooking after the trip from that fooking liquor store.
popping tops once again, fooking hell pass the gin.

gaybear · Post by **gaybear** » Sat May 23, 2009 4:20 am

DGNR8 wrote:Hey, he could be young for all we know. It takes guts to post poems.

seriously.
buncha poop-heads up in this thread.

Ty · Post by Ty » Sat May 23, 2009 4:32 am

gaybear wrote:
DGNR8 wrote:Hey, he could be young for all we know. It takes guts to post poems.

seriously.
buncha poop-heads up in this thread.

my self included, I know I wouldn't post any of my poems. Or lyrics for that matter.

some older poetry stuff

some older poetry stuff

Re: some older poetry stuff